As a parent, you can help your athlete hone in on what really matters to them, and cut out the noise. Here are some easy ways to help your overwhelmed athlete set realistic goals.

Lead with empathy

Remember that while you have the benefit of hindsight as a parent, your young athlete may be experiencing this level of overwhelm for the first time. From your point of view, it’s easy to think their stressors are trivial and overblown, but remind yourself that your athlete’s feelings are real and valid. This is a critically important step, because if you don’t validate your athlete’s feeling of overwhelm, they may stop sharing those struggles with you.

Ask good questions

Most overwhelmed athletes struggle to explain how they’re feeling or even understand how many pressures they’re dealing with. Before you can help them tame their schedule and set goals for the next semester, start by helping them understand where they are right now. What are all of the activities they’re doing now, including sports, school, extracurriculars, and part-time work? Where are they falling behind? Where are they feeling caught up? How much time is each activity taking?

Help them identify what matters to them

After identifying what’s on their plate, it’s time to identify what really matters. Young athletes may struggle to identify the things that truly matter to them, rather than what matters to other people in their lives. For example, they may want to excel in a sport because their coach mentioned they have natural talent or because a best friend asked them to try out. And of course, they likely believe—whether accurately or not—that there are certain things that they should do because they matter to you. The best way you can help your athlete is by helping them identify the things that truly are important to them.

Help them prioritize

As you help your athlete prioritize, make sure the activities (including homework and time to sleep/relax) actually fit into their schedule. Try using a daily, weekly, or monthly planner to gain a better perspective on what’s realistic. Often, student-athletes are trying to fit 28 hours of activities and work into a single day. There may be some difficult decisions or conversations that come from this activity. For instance, your athlete may need to talk to the club coach about skipping some practices in favor of training with the school team. This might feel uncomfortable for your athlete, but that discomfort is a critical first step in them learning how to establish their priorities and set boundaries.

Turn their goals into SMART goals

Often, students struggle with setting goals that are challenging but realistic and actually within their control. Help your athlete think SMART: Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Timely. Once that goal is set, help them come up with a plan to get to that goal, one step at a time. Also encourage them to regularly revisit their goals and edit the original goal as circumstances change.

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Takeaway

Feelings of overwhelm are common for athletes of all ages. You can help your athlete evaluate their commitments, establish their priorities, and set realistic goals that prioritize their wellness and grow their ability to set healthy boundaries.

Here are some simple steps to help your athletes set goals that matter.

Understand how athletes are feeling

As a coach, it’s easy to focus on goals that matter to you and your program. But before you start setting goals, think about what matters to your athletes. Take a moment to consider how they are feeling and what other pressures they may be dealing with. Pressures come at young athletes from all directions, including parents who want them to get that athletic scholarship, school administrators who are trying to improve school rankings, and teammates who want to win. Amidst this pressure, make sure you’re initiating conversations about what the athlete wants and what matters to them.

Set goals that focus on athlete wellness

Athletic goals shouldn’t just revolve around national championships or state titles. While it can be fun to have some goals that are based on specific outcomes, like making it to the championships, it’s equally important to have goals that are focused on process, development, and wellness. For example, you can help them set process goals for practices, set a team goal of getting 8 to 10 hours of sleep every night, and  create goals around creating an inclusive and healthy team culture.

Set goals for the team as a team

As the coach, you likely have certain hopes for the season, and it’s tempting to show up to the first practice of the season proposing those goals for the team. But instead of presenting your list of goals, try a goal-setting exercise with athletes. By allowing your athletes to set the goals for the team this season, you’re giving them ownership and making them more emotionally connected to the outcomes. And this approach works in the team’s favor: The Association for Applied Sports Psychology points out that when athletes set their own goals, they’re more likely to achieve them.

Help athletes set goals as individuals

While team goals are important, each athlete should also feel as though they have their own set of independent goals that align with their values. These personal goals may feed into the overarching team goal, but more importantly, they should focus on what matters to the athlete and what’s within their control. Make sure individual goals are challenging but realistic, while also keeping the athlete’s wellness at the forefront. Process goals are a great way to find this balance. For example, a swimmer might set process goals around improving their kick turns or a certain stroke. With both individual and team goals, it’s also important to make time to reflect on progress and adjust goals to reflect changing circumstances.

Remember athletes will have different needs

While it’s easy to think of your team as a singular entity, remember that each athlete will have different styles of learning and different needs and abilities. Some athletes will require extra help and attention to meet process goals, while others will do better with minimal involvement from you. Be aware that some goals will highlight inequities on the team. For example, some athletes may struggle to meet goals like adding in extra gym sessions because they’re busy working a part time job, so goals and expectations should account for those different circumstances. Encourage athletes to let you know what they need in order to thrive and achieve these goals—or when they need to tweak the goals that are set.

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Takeaway

As a coach, you have the ability to help each athlete on your team set goals for the season that establish a positive team culture and help them develop as healthy, happy people. To set goals that matter, let athletes know that you actually care about them and their personal goals, set goals for the team with the team, and focus on process goals that promote overall wellness.

Here, Dr. Michele LaBotz, a TrueSport Expert and sports medicine physician, shares six simple goals to set around sleep, recovery, nutrition, and strength training that will improve your overall wellness and support your athletic goals.

1. Get Enough Sleep

Did you know that teenagers are actually supposed to get 8 to 10 hours of sleep every night for optimum health, not the 7 to 9 hours recommended for adults? And did you know that children 6-12 years old should get 9-12 hours of sleep each night? That’s right: You need more sleep. “More and more evidence is coming out on the importance of meeting these sleep recommendations for injury prevention, athletic performance, and overall mental wellness,” says LaBotz.

If you are currently getting less than these recommended amounts, LaBotz warns that you may be chronically sleep deprived. The trick with chronic sleep deprivation is that you do not actually feel tired. Although cutting back on sleep for a night or two may make you feel drowsy, going with less sleep over longer periods does not create that same feeling. You may feel well-rested, but your body is not. When you are chronically sleep deprived, your body sends false messages about how awake you feel.

The challenge for many young athletes is that between school, sport, family, and friends, it often seems there are not enough hours in the day to get everything done. However, for athletes looking to optimize performance and minimize injury, LaBotz emphasizes that making sleep a priority is key. If you are not consistently getting the recommended amount of sleep, pick a week (or two) where you are going to follow a sleep schedule based upon the clock, and not on how tired you feel. You may need to gradually build up your sleep time over a few days, but after experiencing the changes sufficient sleep can deliver, most athletes feel that it is time well spent!

2. Get Enough Recovery Time

If you’re on a travel team and a school team, you may accidentally fall into the “no recovery days ever” trap, says LaBotz. This isn’t good for your body, which means it’s also not good for your long-term development as an athlete. You should have at least one recovery day per week, even if it means skipping a practice to make that happen. This is important for maximizing your physical and mental performance and reducing your risk of injury.

Often, coaches aren’t aware of how much extra work you’re doing with the other teams you’re on, and if they did, they wouldn’t recommend training as much as you are. Talk to your coach or athletic trainer about what your current total training load looks like and find out if you should be skipping certain sessions in favor of time off or less intense active recovery.

3. Prioritize Strength Training

“For the vast majority of sports, strength training should be part of training,” says LaBotz. “It should be built into your training week rather than an addition to everything else you are already doing.”  If you are not currently involved in strength training, set a starting goal of doing strength work twice a week for 20 to 30 minutes.

If your coach hasn’t built it into your training plan already, talk to them about how you can best fit it in. You may also want to talk to an athletic trainer to help you build a routine that hits all the major muscle groups. Focus on technique and not just on how heavy the weights are! Remember, strength training should be part of your training for sport, and not just an “added on” activity.

4. Find a Recovery Protocol That Works

Some athletes love to foam roll their legs after a workout. Others prefer hopping in an ice-cold bath to soothe sore muscles. Some prefer doing an easy yoga flow. Find what works and feels good for you, and make time for it in your routine, says LaBotz. Set a goal of doing a few minutes of active recovery, particularly after a hard workout.

5. Improve Your Post-Workout Fueling

“For athletes who are training every day, it’s important to have a snack that’s rich in carbohydrates and includes a little bit of protein after practice,” says LaBotz. If you typically have dinner within 30 minutes of finishing practice, that’s usually plenty. But if it’s longer than that before you’re home and at the dinner table, you should have a snack on hand that you can eat when practice is over.

“Make sure you have something in your locker or something in your gym bag that you can eat or drink right after you’re done,” says LaBotz. This could be as simple as half of a sandwich, a carton of chocolate milk, a handful of trail mix, or some cheese and crackers. (Get more locker-friendly ideas here.)

6. Have a Life Outside of Sports

If you’re so busy playing sports that you never have time to see a movie with friends, or to participate in any other extracurriculars, it’s time to set a goal that actually takes you away from your sport. “You should have variety in your life,” says LaBotz. This variety protects your mental and physical wellness, as well as reduces the risk of burnout in sport.

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Takeaway

In addition to setting goals for your athletic performance this season, consider setting some that focus on overall wellness. Goals around sleep, recovery, strength, and nutrition will ultimately make it easier to achieve your athletic goals—and make you a stronger, healthier human in the process.

Here, TrueSport Expert Amanda Stanec, PhD, the founder and owner of MOVE + LIVE + LEARN, has a few tips for setting goals for a happy, healthy life after you’ve finished playing your current sport. But first, keep in mind that you’re ideally goal setting in other arenas before leaving sport. Even if things are going great in your sport, it’s a good idea to practice setting some non-sport goals, which can help you create wellness and identity outside of sport.

1. Set a Goal to be Self-Aware

A good starting point for goal setting is determining how you’re actually feeling. And that means setting a goal to be more self-aware. “Self-awareness is identifying our strengths and our opportunities for growth,” Stanec says. The easiest way to start practicing this is to choose a problem that you’re currently having (it doesn’t have to be a big one!), then journal about potential causes and solutions. The better you get at this practice, the more aware you’ll be of how you’re feeling in every area of your life.

“A simple example is becoming aware that you don’t have energy at practice in the afternoon. You can then think about if you’re having  a snack before practice, if you’re drinking enough water throughout the day, if you’re getting seven to nine hours of good sleep every night, or if there’s something that’s on your mind that’s distracting you from practice. After journaling on that, you might realize that you’re not going to bed early enough and need to set a timer to remind yourself when to get ready for bed each night.”

2. Optimize Your Wellness Wheel

“The wellness wheel is a great assessment strategy because it really hits on all the different areas of life and will help us to work on enhancing our overall quality of life,” says Stanec. “I define success as feeling good about your place in the world and the wellness wheel helps you define what healthy success can look like. It will help you answer questions like, ‘What do I need to maintain?” and “What do I need more of in my life?’”

The wellness wheel is a circle made up of slices representing different areas of wellness: Physical, Emotional, Spiritual, Intellectual, Social, Financial, Occupational, and Environmental. You can also make up your own categories that feel more relevant to you: Occupational typically refers to a job, but for you, maybe that refers to school or extracurricular activities. And while Environmental typically refers to your overall physical environment, for you, it could simply be your car and room at home.

Draw your own Wellness Wheel as a circle or as a chart and ask:

1. How am I doing in each category?
2. Where can I improve the most?

3. Where am I closest to achieving wellbeing?

For some athletes, Stanec suggests starting with the area you’re most lacking in. For instance, if you feel like you’re struggling with your social well-being, you could make a goal to call one friend weekly, have a movie night with a friend, or spend at least an hour having a real conversation with a parent. For some people, though, it’s easiest to start with the slice of the pie that’s closest to optimization to feel a quick sense of accomplishment and achievement. So if you’re already doing great intellectually—getting good grades, for example—could you add a goal of practicing your conversational Spanish every day for 10 minutes to improve your comprehension and pronunciation?

4. Set Personality Goals

“When we think about what sport can give us, in addition to the physical play, we think about things like leadership, confidence, responsibility, communication, and initiative,” says Stanec. Think about the personality traits that you want to develop: Are you a great team leader, or are you lacking in communication skills? Do you have confidence on and off the field? If you’ve been playing sports for a long time and struggle to set goals outside of sport, it might be easiest to set goals that are sport-related, like being more confident on game day. Start there, and you can apply that skill to other areas of your life, like public speaking or test taking.

5. Set Health Goals

Another easy non-sport goal to start with is a health-related goal. Health-related goals can feel easier for athletes who are used to focusing on their bodies first. Instead of setting goals around practice or competition, Stanec suggests zooming out and looking at overall health. How’s your sleep quality? Struggling with nutrition? You may want to set a goal around eating three healthy meals per day plus snacks and enlist a registered dietitian to help you create a meal plan. For an injured athlete, a health goal could revolve around following through with physical therapy appointments and exercises.

6. Set Anti-Goals

If setting goals beyond sport or without sport is difficult, try the reverse: Think about how you don’t want to feel. For some people, it’s easier to know what you don’t want versus what you do want. Stanec explains, “For example, if you’re a new college student, how do you want to spend your weekends? Do you want to feel exhausted and hungover? If you decide that you don’t want to feel lonely and lethargic, that could prompt you to join a triathlon club that practices together on Saturday or start a walking date with a few friends to make sure you’re staying active.”

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Takeaway

Setting non-sport goals can help you create an identity outside of sport and develop overall well-being, which will help ease your transition away from organized sport.

Here, TrueSport Expert Amanda Stanec, PhD, the founder and owner of MOVE + LIVE + LEARN, shares why and how parents and coaches should help athletes set non-sport-related goals, as well as other tips to help young athletes thrive.

Understand Why This Matters

“Setting goals outside of sport is important because we want young athletes to not over-identify as athletes, or put too much emphasis into a sport,” says Stanec. “This is hard to hear for some athletes and parents, but honestly, we’re all a couple of ACL tears away from not doing that particular sport anymore. Additionally, many sports end for students at the end of grade 12. And even for the vast majority of those people who do get to play sports in college, few go on to play professionally. Being able to set and achieve goals outside of sport helps athletes find balance at every stage in life.”

Before deciding on some goals, have your athlete define their version of success. And success, Stanec says, should ideally mean feeling good about our place in the world, rather than having a certain amount of money or material items, or scoring a certain number of points on the team. It’s a feeling, not a list of accomplishments.

Add Some Self-Reflection

Stanec starts with assessing the foundation: An athlete should strive for a certain level of well-being, above and beyond simply being healthy (which she considers to be ‘the absence of disease and illness’). “Well-being goes beyond that,” she says. “It includes how one feels about their place in the world, and about their quality of life. Hopefully, sport is a piece of that, but wellness and well-being are more holistic than just sport performance. There’s physical, social, spiritual, environmental, emotional, and intellectual wellness, and all of that combines to make up our overall well-being.”

“Help your athlete create self-awareness, where they’re able to identify their strengths and their opportunities for growth,” she says. “For instance, an athlete might realize that they do great fueling properly for practice, but get anxious about leaving their phone unattended throughout practice. So that athlete may want to set a goal around phone use rather than nutrition, which they already have under control. Similarly, athletes should set goals that are very meaningful and personal to them, not ones that are heavily influenced by their parents or coaches.”

Some pieces of the wellness puzzle—social and physical for instance—may come from sport. But ensuring your emotional wellness or even your physical wellness beyond your sport performance are just as important. Stanec suggests that athletes take stock of where they are right now, and consider areas that could use some improvement. A full lifestyle overhaul isn’t necessary here: just consider what areas might be lacking, and those will be the areas where goals should be set.

Goal Setting is a Skill

“Goal setting is a skill that ought to be applied to everything for adolescents, from sleep hygiene to having a meaningful volunteering practice,” Stanec says. “You can use sports to help teach athletes how to goal-set, but then the goal setting should quickly move beyond the practice field.” For athletes who are reluctant to embrace any goal that isn’t sport-related, start with physical wellness goals like improving sleep quality. Because sleep is performance-enhancing for athletes, it’s a simple place to start working on non-sport goals and an easy sell for highly motivated athletes!

From there, focus on setting some goals around things like communication with other teammates, helping others on the team, and feeling more confident around practice or game day. These softer skills are important on and off the field.

“We know that goals that are too outcome-driven in sport can lead to burnout,” says Stanec. But having goals outside of sport, especially ones that are less performance focused, can actually help alleviate burnout by offering other motivations and wins. “Athletes can see themselves as interesting human beings who can do good in the world, and ultimately, that’s what we want them to get from sport.”

Prioritize Community-Oriented Goals and Team Goal Setting

Stanec is also a fan of team-based non-sport goals. “A local school near me recently shifted focus from how the teams were performing to how the communities within the teams were growing,” she says. “As we returned to school after COVID-19 closures, it was more important than ever for coaches to spend time trying to rebuild those communities, which meant the sport-specific goals were less important than helping athletes to connect with each other.”

“Cultivating a community within a team is so important for young athletes, and goal setting together is a great way to make that happen,” she adds.

Understand Benefits of Big and Small Wins

While some athletes will thrive when focusing on big goals that are harder to achieve, some athletes need an easy win to feel motivated. Stanec recommends letting athletes ‘beta test’ two types of goals: big and small. The big goals require a lot of time and heavy lifting on the part of the athlete but have the bigger payoff. Small goals, on the other hand, can often be achieved in days or weeks with less effort. The payoff may not be as big—acing a test versus making the honor roll—but for some athletes, these tiny wins can push through inertia and make it easier to eventually get to the bigger goal.

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Takeaway

Athletes often embrace setting sport goals but setting goals outside of sport helps ensure the overall well-being of the whole person. Parents and coaches can help athletes think beyond sport and find an identity outside of athletics.

Amanda Stanec provides parents, coaches, educators, and athletes with three things to consider BEFORE setting goals, as well as strategies for setting and reviewing goals throughout the season.

Learn more about Amanda Stanec.

As a coach, you’re in a unique position to help athletes create a feeling of empowerment that can spread into the rest of their lives and help them as they navigate the adult world when they eventually leave school. Here, TrueSport Expert and President of Now What Facilitation, Nadia Kyba, MSW, shares a few ways to help your athletes embrace responsibility through a lens of empowerment and agency.

Understand where young athletes are today

It is easier than ever for parents to micromanage their children. Smartphones allow them to track what athletes are looking at, what apps they’re using, and where they are at all times. And understandably, parents are nervous about allowing children certain freedoms that perhaps you took for granted in your youth. Because of this, athletes joining your team may rarely, if ever, make a decision for themselves. Kyba says that as the coach, you have the ability to empower athletes to make their own decisions—and that’s more important than winning any game.

Help athletes understand that they have the ability to change

There’s nothing more empowering than the realization that as a human, you’re allowed to—and encouraged to—grow and change. But many young athletes don’t get that message from their parents, especially parents who may have an idea of who they want their athlete to be. “When we talk about agency, it’s not just about letting kids make decisions for themselves,” says Kyba. “It’s about helping kids realize that they have different directions they can go and things they can improve on or change about themselves if they want to. The ability to change is a huge gift.”

Let athletes set their own personal goals

At the start of the season, most teams will make goals that are for the entire team in a season. But Kyba suggests adding individual goals on top of that practice. “Goal setting at the beginning of the year can be so important to growth,” she says. “Have athletes think through what goals they want for the season as individuals. They’re already on the team, whether by their choice or their parents’, but setting individual goals allows them to find what’s meaningful to them. That might be performance related, but it could also be related to things like confidence or leadership. Encourage athletes to think outside of the performance space.”

Include athletes in decision-making

As a coach, it’s tempting to make decisions for the good of the team without consulting the team. But bringing the athletes into the decision making process, as well as the goal-setting and team value-setting processes that should occur at the start of the season, shows that you believe the athletes’ input matters. “Include them in decisions and give them leadership opportunities even when it would be easier for you to simply take the reins,” says Kyba. “Athletes should be the ones in charge of things like fundraisers, team meals, team communications, and even things like leading warmups or registering for tournaments. The more responsibility you give the athletes, the greater the sense of responsibility that they feel.”

Inform athletes that they have rights

Most coaches won’t take the time to explain to athletes that they have specific rights but its critical to creating a sense of agency, says Kyba. “For example, some schools, districts, or states have the two-person rule, where no athlete can be alone with the coach. There might be a rule that a coach can’t interact with athletes on social media. Be transparent: It might feel awkward to talk about at the beginning of the season, but athletes will feel more empowered knowing that you understand and respect their rights.”

Let athletes have consequences

As a coach, you’re often in a tough spot where you could smooth over a situation for an athlete (like a forgotten race registration or sign-up form) versus letting the athlete deal with the consequences. While it’s tempting to smooth things over, especially if it likely means the difference between winning and losing a game, making the athlete deal with the consequences of their actions reminds them that being empowered is both an opportunity and a responsibility. However, before you do this, make sure that your athletes know and understand their responsibilities very clearly so there’s no room for confusion! Try signing ‘contracts’ outlining the rules and responsibilities early in the season.

Help them foster belief in themselves

Those responsibilities we just mentioned might seem like a burden for young athletes, but actually, they help athletes develop self-belief and a sense of self-efficacy. “If you tell your athletes that you know they can take responsibility for getting warmed up and to the start line of their race, that’s you letting them know that you believe in them and trust them,” says Kyba. “The more information and responsibility you give athletes, the more they can have agency.” Giving them information can also apply to bringing experts in to share more knowledge: Sports psychologists and dietitians can help athletes feel more control over their mindset and nutrition, while you help hone their athletic skills.

Make sure feedback is heard

Help athletes see feedback as empowering, not embarrassing. Unfortunately, a lot of athletes have grown up with parents who are afraid to criticize or offer feedback because they don’t want their child to feel bad. While that’s entirely understandable, it’s hard for that young athlete to then go into the real world—or even into college and collegiate athletics—without the ability to gracefully accept and integrate feedback. As you offer feedback after practices or competitions, make sure that your athletes are actually absorbing what you’re saying. For athletes who are clearly struggling with this, consider taking video during practice or games to show the athlete where they can make improvements. Those concrete pieces of evidence can help a stubborn athlete start to accept feedback, says Kyba, and that can make the athlete more resilient and empowered in the long run.

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Takeaway

Athletes may come to you lacking the ability to take responsibility or make decision, largely because they’ve been micromanaged for much of their lives. You can give athletes the chance to feel empowered in a very authentic way by including them in decision-making, letting them set their own goals specific, giving them responsibilities, and providing feedback that helps them improve and grow.

Here, TrueSport Expert Amanda Stanec, PhD, the founder and owner of MOVE + LIVE + LEARN, is talking about how to help young athletes actually enjoy their leisure time so that when school rolls around, they’re refreshed and recharged, not on the edge of burnout.

Every athlete is different

If you have more than one child, you likely already know this: What works well for one student athlete may not work for another. “Every student athlete is a unique person,” says Stanec. “An athlete might truly thrive with a lot of structure that requires balancing a job, workouts, practices, and their service commitments, while another may really, really need time to recharge with a much more open schedule. As parents, it’s important that we ask our athletes what makes them feel as though they’re able to thrive and what type of environment they need.” She suggests experimenting: Have one week where your athlete is tightly scheduled with activities, followed by a week with minimal commitments. At the end, assess how each felt, and help your athlete find a good balance.

There are a lot of benefits to working a job

While athletes are highly individual, it’s hard to ignore the fact that working a summer job can be extremely beneficial for young people. Maybe your athlete only works 10 hours each week, but having a structured job not only lets them earn spending money—teaching them valuable financial lessons from a young age—it also gives them a sense of discipline and humility that they simply might not get from school. “A talented athlete who’s also naturally a great student may not deal with a lot of challenges in their early years,” Stanec says. Working a summer job may provide more challenge, and especially for an athlete from a small school, it gives them a chance to be exposed to a wider landscape of humanity.

No time for a job? Check the schedule again

“If a student-athlete doesn’t have time for a summer job because of their sport commitment as a high school student, I question their efficiency in what they’re doing in sport. I would fear burnout or overuse injury,” says Stanec.

Your athlete may not have time for a 30-hour per week commitment, but fitting in a 10-hour per week summer job? That should be possible. Otherwise, your athlete may be too tightly scheduled with sport and in need of more rest. If the team truly has so many practices or commitments that it’s impossible to hold a summer job, consider having a discussion with the coach. While some athletes may not have a choice about getting a summer job, no athletic program should be so intense that it eliminates the possibility.

Reconsider devices

Don’t romanticize an open schedule: You may have fond memories of long summer days spent riding your bike with friends and playing at the pool, but it’s different now, Stanec says. Thanks to smartphones and social media, many kids spend leisure time scrolling on their phones, which can be extremely detrimental to their mental health. “Help your athlete find relaxing activities that aren’t just sitting with a device in their hands,” she says. If you’re trying to set device boundaries for the first time, Stanec suggests having an honest conversation with your athlete about how they feel after an hour of scrolling. Often, she says, when an athlete actually reflects on how social media makes them feel, it’s easier for them to disconnect. (She also notes that kids do model their parents, so check your own scrolling habits as well!)

Create an environment for creative and relaxing leisure time

Create an environment that allows for easy, fun leisure. That might mean making sure there are bikes in the garage that are the right size for your athletes, or having different outdoor games set up, or creating an artist studio in the basement for a budding painter or potter. Whenever possible, set boundaries around screen time. This can get tricky if your athlete is an avid YouTuber who’s making creative videos, but you can try getting an inexpensive digital video camera and turning off the Wi-Fi in the house during certain hours to minimize TikTok and Instagram scrolling.

Lastly, don’t turn leisure time into something that’s just as rigid as a summer job: If your athlete needs a nap, wants to read for an afternoon, or wants to hang out with friends watching a movie, that’s perfectly fine.

Look for warning signs

Some young athletes will allow themselves to become over scheduled and overwhelmed in the pursuit of scholastic, sport, and social perfection, which can be incredibly damaging, says Stanec. Your athlete might be capable of having a job, a training program, a summer class at the community college, a secondary sport camp, and volunteer hours—or they might be on the verge of burnout. Look for warning signs like increased anxiety, trouble sleeping, difficulty concentrating, or anything outside of normal behavior patterns for your athlete. Also make sure to regularly check in with them to ensure they’re still feeling comfortable with their tight schedules. Some athletes will head into a packed summer feeling great about their decision, only to feel exhausted after a few weeks. Often, they won’t want to quit or cut back on hours themselves, or will feel uncomfortable having that conversation with a coach or boss. You can help them navigate those tough discussions.

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Takeaway

There is no formula for the right balance of busyness and activities for kids—it’s highly individual for every child. Ongoing discussions will help ensure the right balance for your athlete, and along the way, you can help them find summer activities that feel rewarding, enriching, and fun.

But at some point, there’s also value in pivoting and setting new goals. “In general, we only tell stories of perseverance,” notes TrueSport Expert, family physician, and resiliency guru Dr. Deborah Gilboa. “You hear about athletes who persevere through years of struggle, and finally succeed, but that can be a damaging perspective. To say that perseverance is always the answer, that perseverance towards achievement is always the best or right path, simply isn’t true. Resilience means navigating change and coming through it as the kind of person you want to be. And if the only kind of person your child wants to be is a winner, that’s a problem because then persevering towards achievement is the only option. And on that path, you have to recognize the risk of permanent damage.”

Here, Gilboa shares the signs parents should look for to help an athlete decide when it’s time to pivot.

1. Danger, not discomfort

Kids need to hone the skill of differentiating between danger and discomfort, says Gilboa. That means knowing if pursuit of a goal is uncomfortable, or if it could be harmful to their physical or mental health. “This is what Simone Biles showed at the Tokyo Games when she decided not to compete in certain events,” Gilboa explains. “She wasn’t dealing with tremendous discomfort. She was in danger. We ask and expect our young athletes to figure out how to manage discomfort, and yes, that will serve them incredibly well. The more discomfort they know how to manage successfully, the better. That will help them towards their goal. But if we do not teach them the skill of differentiating between tremendously uncomfortable and actually dangerous, then we do not allow them to protect their own safety.”

2. Yellow warning flags

“Unfortunately, many kids will not have the maturity and the wisdom to figure out when they are in a dangerous situation, so it’s our job to keep an eye out for the yellow flags, not just the red flags,” Gilboa says. “Red flags are more obvious: a child isn’t eating, he’s not speaking to you often, her grades are plummeting. But the yellow flags are subtle. One of the things that adults can do is to literally make a list of the behaviors that a child starts doing or stops doing when they’re beginning to have a hard time. For one of my kids, he starts sleeping through his alarm. For my other kid, he starts losing stuff. What signs does your child show when he’s just starting to struggle?”

3. A desire to quit

If your child is feeling upset that they won’t hit a major goal and is ready to give up the sport entirely as a result, that’s normal, but suggest that before they pivot away from sport entirely, they take a break first. “Remember that developmentally, young athletes tend to think in binary ways: I quit, or I don’t. But there is almost always a whole list of other options,” says Gilboa. “So, look for ways to hit pause instead of stop. Simone Biles did not hit stop. She hit a really dramatic pause. She didn’t leave Tokyo. She didn’t even leave the mat. She stayed there, she became coach and cheerleader for her teammates, and she competed in another individual event days later, as it turned out. She hit pause and continued to behave as the kind of person she wanted to be.”

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Takeaway

Understand that no goal is more important than your athlete’s happiness as a human. “Together, you and your athlete have to figure out what their big picture goals are. Winning should only be a small part of them, because the damage of winning at all costs is fairly self-evident,” Gilboa says. “The long-term goal should be about the person your child wants to become, with strong values and convictions. Imagine raising a child who, no matter what obstacles life throws them on the way towards their achievements, can continue to be the kind of person you and they want them to be.”