Facebook Youtube Instagram Linkedin Pinterest
Facebook Twitter Youtube Instagram Linkedin Pinterest

When to Say Yes to Your Kid Quitting the Team

Parents

Nadia Kyba headshot.This last Games cycle has taught many athletes and coaches the importance of prioritizing mental health as much as we prioritize physical health in sport. And for some athletes, that may mean sitting out major competitions—as gymnast Simone Biles elected to do in the Tokyo 2020 Games—and it could even mean quitting a team altogether. Here, TrueSport Expert Nadia Kyba, a social worker and expert in conflict resolution, helps parents understand when it’s important to say yes to your athlete quitting the team, and what questions you should be asking to best support them.

 

Make sure there’s no danger

It’s important to approach the topic of your child wanting to quit a team with caution. Before we touch on the nuances of quitting due to goal misalignment or personal dissatisfaction, as a parent, it’s critical that you ascertain that your child’s desire to quit isn’t rooted in abuse from a coach or other adult, or bullying from teammates. Start by making sure that there are no signs of abuse or bullying, says Kyba.

Your child should know that they can talk to you about anything, and that you have their best interests and safety at top of mind—not their national ranking or scholarship potential. If there is an issue of abuse or bullying, that’s when your child needs you to step in and protect them by seeking the appropriate help.

 

Understand your position and interest—and your child’s

Mother and teen daughter arguing on a couch.Assuming that abuse or bullying isn’t the problem, the next step is to pause and reflect on why your child wants to quit, as well as your personal reasons for wanting them to stay on the team. “Your position is a set solution to a problem and your interests are your needs and what is important to you,” Kyba explains. “But your position and interests may differ from that of your child and it’s critical that you understand your motivations as well as theirs as you discuss the next steps.”

For example, your interest might be in your child getting an athletic scholarship, which means your position is likely to be ‘toughing it out’ and staying with the team. However, your child’s interest may be that he wants to spend more time with friends, and his position is that quitting the team allows him to do that. Neither position or interest is bad or wrong, but if you don’t try to see things from your child’s point of view, communication will be much harder.

 

Look for other solutions

Ask your child to get creative and list a few ways his or her needs can be met while still staying active. Maybe a solution is finding another team (a travel team versus a school one) or even trying a different sport altogether.

For example, Kyba’s daughter struggled when she wanted to quit soccer. “She loved the sport and all the benefits of being active, but found she was overwhelmed by pressure to succeed,” Kyba recalls. “She was also worried about what other people would think about her and if they would judge her for quitting.”

Eventually, after many family discussions, Kyba’s daughter decided to move to a recreational league and had a blast once she let go of the pressure. Now, as an adult, she still plays recreational soccer. “I think if she just stopped playing soccer altogether—as she at the time saw as the only solution—she wouldn’t be having fun, staying active, and playing today as a young adult. And really, that is the ultimate goal with sport,” Kyba concludes.

 

Let the decision rest with them

Teen boy sitting on bleachers thinking pensively.Ultimately, you can listen, you can discuss, and you can present alternatives—but let your child choose for him or herself. “Letting kids make their own decisions is so important from a developmental standpoint, and that’s something that we’ve moved away from allowing as parents,” Kyba says. “When kids don’t have agency, when they aren’t able to make their own decisions, they feel really anxious and they don’t know how to make their own decisions later in life.”

As a parent, Kyba suggests that instead of looking at yourself as the manager or the boss, look at yourself as a “consultant” for your child. Your job is to ask questions about why it is they want to quit, but the final decision rests with them. While it may seem like a decision that you disagree with in the moment, that decision allows your child to develop autonomy and grow as an individual.

 

Try to look for an alternative—and it may not be a team

While children don’t necessarily need to play a sport on a team to stay happy and healthy, keeping a child physically active is important. Your child shouldn’t be quitting a team and instead spend 10 hours a week in front of the TV or computer instead. “It’s so important for kids to stay in sports or find a physical activity that they do enjoy,” says Kyba.

From a health, longevity, and even social perspective, sport has so much to offer. So, while your child should feel comfortable leaving a team if they decide to, you can try to help them find a new activity. Maybe they need a break from team sport and can try mountain biking with you. Or maybe another team sport is more appealing.

_______________

Takeaway

Ultimately, your child should feel comfortable talking to you about their desire to quit a team, and they should feel supported in their ability to make the right decision. It may not be a decision that you agree with in the moment, but if you have a calm conversation, ask questions, and look at a range of solutions, then your child will feel empowered long after this current season is over.

Related Content

Loading...
1 2 … 5

Join Us

Subscribe
Shop TrueSport
Host TrueSport

TrueSport logo without icon in white.

© 2024 TrueSport | Privacy Policy | Terms of Use | Sitemap

Goal-Setting Lesson Video Transcript

Hi. I’m Trevon, Trey, Jennifer. Team USA wheelchair basketball player, paralympian, and true sport athlete. Today, I want to talk to you about goal setting. And there are three things that I would like you to know. First, successful athletes set goals and a planned roadmap. Second, goals should be written down, assessed over time, and changed if necessary. And third, goals need to be challenging in order to be worthwhile. As a freshmen at Edinboro University, I was a part of a team that made the national championship game. And at that time I recognized I was the low man on the totem pole, but I felt in my heart that I knew my dreams were so much bigger than winning a national title. I wanted to make Team USA. I knew what achieving my lofty goal was not going to be easy and that I would need to work hard every day.

So, as a reminder, I created a pyramid of goals that I kept right above my bed. This pyramid reminded me of the accomplishments that I was working towards and visually represented my need to create a solid foundation underneath me before reaching the top. In the bottom roll of my pyramid of goals I listed goals such as obtaining my bachelor’s degree, becoming a scholar athlete award recipient, and becoming an All-American. The middle row listed winning a national title and playing for a professional team. And at the top row, the most challenging of them all, I listed becoming a gold medalist for Team USA.

By understanding that there are smaller stepping stones to achieving my ultimate goal of being on Team USA, I was able to stay motivated and to stay focused on completing the smaller stepping stones fully before moving onto the next one. Now I’ll be the first to admit that not every goal that I listed on my pyramid was accomplished, but seeing my goals every day when I went to bed, I was able to push through the days that I felt like doing nothing in hopes of achieving the bigger picture. Remember, create a clear goal roadmap, assess your goals often, and continue to challenge yourself. I hope that you never stopped dreaming big or reaching for the stars. And I look forward to seeing where your roadmap takes you.

Body Image Lesson Video Transcript

Hi, I’m Kara Winger, Olympic javelin thrower, and true sport athlete. Today I want to talk to you about body image and I have three things I’d like you to know. First, healthy thoughts often lead to healthier bodies. Second, there are varying body types and no one’s body is exactly like another. And third, true beauty goes deeper than the skin. As a multi-time Olympian, I’ve experienced a lot of variation and progression in my training. My coaches and I adapt to my training frequently, all with the goal of supporting my long-term success and health in the sport of javelin. I’m talking to you about body image today because sometimes even with the best of intentions and a common goal in mind, the changes you make to your training habits can prove to be detrimental if made for the wrong reasons. In the lead up to the 2012 Olympic trials, I was told in order to improve my performance on the field, I should try to become a leaner, skinnier version of myself.

So I changed my diet. I went along with what I was being told to do, even though I’d had great success at a slightly heavier weight and higher body fat percentage, and became much leaner than ever before. It seemed like a successful change at first, but I didn’t have nearly the results I’d had before. And I believe becoming leaner than my body naturally wanted to be was what caused my ACL to tear. In the end, it cost me heavily going into the 2012 London games. The takeaway for me, and hopefully for you, is that it’s important to know what works for you and your body and to not compare yourself to others. You should do your research and experiment with your diet to find what makes you feel the best, rather than focusing on what you look like. Today, if I feel like having a chocolate chip cookie, I have one, just not every day.

I’ve learned what a properly balanced meal for my body looks like and I recognize food as the fuel that keeps me throwing. I hydrate and allow myself time to recover. And I listen to and communicate with my body so that I can be the best version of myself. In the end, you are in control of how you see, treat, and respond to your body. We only get one and it’s amazing to discover how many things our bodies can do. Be a true sport athlete. Love who you are in this moment and get excited for all the places your body will take you.

A Good Sport Lesson Video Transcript

Hi, I’m Izy Isaksen, Team USA, Modern Pentathlon, Olympian, US Army Sergeant, and True Sport Ambassador. Today, I want to talk to you about being a good sport. There are three things I’d like you to know. First, real winners act the same toward their opponent, whether they win or lose. Second, follow the rules and be a gracious winner and respectful loser. And third, sportsmanship reveals your true character.

I started competing in Modern Pentathlon eight years after my older sister and three-time Olympian, Margaux Isaksen, began competing. I soon realized that people often compared the two of us. I would overhear spectators and teammates asking, “Who’s the better athlete,” and “Who’s going to beat the other.” Instead of letting outside pressures create a negative experience for us, I chose to practice winning and losing with grace and respect. I know that it would have been easy to let our hyper competitive mindset affect our relationship, but instead we decided to support and cheer for each other, regardless of our own performance. My experience of competing against and being compared to my older sister, taught me to focus on how to perform at my best, rather than putting wasted energy into wishing for others to fail.

I believe that sportsmanship reveals true character. So, no matter what situation I encounter during competition, I know it’s important to always treat people with respect and be a good sport. Remember, be a fierce competitor, find grace in all your victories and losses. And I hope to see you out there.

What Kind of Coach Do You Want to Be? Video Transcript

Edwin Moses: You’re a coach. Maybe what you want is very simple, for everyone to just run in the right direction, score for their own team, to try and try again and again. Maybe you want your athletes to become all stars. You want them to earn trophies, medals, win titles. You want them to reach the highest height their sport allows. And wanting all of that, of course, that’s good. But as every great coach discovers, developing a great athlete means nurturing, nurturing the even greater person within. Truth is, you have even more influence than you know.

You have the ability to affect even deeper change, to take what’s in your hands and do something even more extraordinary. You can be both the coach who provides the skills needed to win the game and the coach who helps them learn and succeed beyond the sport, to become all stars wherever they land in the future, and to enjoy their lives more now, because the confidence and courage they find working with you will stay with them when they need it the most. There are games to be won, lives to change. Coaches have the power to do both.

I’m Edwin Moses, and the lessons I’ve learned through sport have challenged me, guided me, and shaped my life forever. What kind of coach do you want to be?

THE SIMPLE TRUTH: DECODING THE SUPPLEMENT INDUSTRY VIDEO TRANSCRIPT

At first glance, dietary supplements look the same. They seem safe and healthy, but just because the label says a product is a dietary supplement, that doesn’t mean it’s safe. Unfortunately, you can’t tell whether a product is safe or not just by looking at the label. Most vitamins, minerals, fish oil, and other supplements containing nutrients are probably just fine, but supplements are not evaluated or approved by FDA before they are sold. Although it is rare for vitamins or minerals to be contaminated with drugs, there has been at least one case of a vitamin containing an anabolic steroid.

At the other extreme are products that contain drugs, stimulants, anabolic steroids, or other hormones. Even though these are not technically dietary supplements, many of them are labeled as supplements. For example, body-building products sometimes contain anabolic steroids or Selective Androgen Receptor Modulators, known as SARMs, or other hormones. Some pre-workout or energy products contain illegal stimulants like DMAA, ephedra, or other amphetamine-like stimulants. Weight loss products might contain prescription drugs like sibutramine, or hormones, like human chorionic gonadotropin, also known as hCG. All natural or herbal sexual enhancement products might contain hormones or Viagra-like drugs. Products like these can harm your health and career, but they’re for sale online, in some nutrition stores, and they’re labeled as dietary supplements.

When you pick up a supplement, especially one that promises performance enhancement, you don’t know if it belongs in the “Mostly O.K.” pile or in the “Dangerous” pile. After all, two products might look the same, but one might contain just amino acids and other legitimate ingredients, while the other also contains anabolic steroids. Because of this, FDA has issued a warning about certain categories of supplements: body building products, weight loss products, and sexual enhancement products. Be extremely careful when considering a supplement in one of these categories. We strongly recommend that you avoid products in these categories.

Even when FDA tests supplements and finds dangerous ingredients, companies sometimes refuse to recall them. Sometimes, they simply repackage their product and continue selling it under a new name. Just because a product is on a store shelf doesn’t mean it is safe. You need to do your research and be an informed consumer. The dietary supplement industry is enormous. Supplements that appear to be safe could actually be dangerous products in disguise. If you use dietary supplements without doing your research, you may be taking serious risks with your health and your career. Please visit USADA’s Supplement 411 for more information about dietary supplements.