Here, TrueSport Expert Amanda Stanec, PhD, the founder and owner of MOVE + LIVE + LEARN, explains how ranking systems can be harmful to young athletes, and how a coach can navigate making gains as a team without an extreme focus on numbers.

How Rankings Hurt Athletes

As a coach, pause and ask yourself why you care about ranking kids in the first place, says Stanec. “Kids aren’t professional athletes, they aren’t nearly finished growing and developing, and ranking them at an early age makes very little sense from any perspective,” she adds. The emotional toll of being ranked first or last (or stuck in the gray zone in the middle) can be hard for young athletes, and from a practical physical perspective, your highest-ranked player could change depending on when kids hit puberty or have growth spurts.

“Rankings cause too much attention to be focused on the individual, and this can stunt development in a variety of ways,” Stanec adds. “Rankings create this culture of playing for the short-term wins, instead of focusing on the long-term plan to help kids develop and reach their potential.” This isn’t just true of youth athletes under 12. This is also true of teen athletes, even at the high school level.

“Focusing on winning rather than developing all the athletes is also more likely to hinder team chemistry, as some coaches will play those experiencing success early in the season and fail to give others a chance to prove themselves,” Stanec says. “When the team chemistry falls apart, I’d argue that you’re much less likely to achieve that high ranking as a team anyway.”

So why do we rank kids if there isn’t a positive outcome? Because adults seemingly enjoy applying adult constructs to youth sports. “There don’t seem to be positives to ranking youth athletes, other than serving adult egos,” Stanec says. “Championships and rankings are adult constructs that we’re putting on kids when it is not age or developmentally appropriate to do so.”

What a Coach Should Do Instead

Maybe your director has said that rankings matter, or you’re aware that colleges are looking at competitive high schoolers for scholarships. So, rankings matter, right? Not really, argues Stanec. Even if you can’t avoid rankings in high school, you can deemphasize them and simply focus on the daily behaviors that will optimize results.

“When you keep a sport enjoyable—and enjoyable includes competing at your best and being an exceptional teammate—you develop stronger athletes who stay in sport longer,” says Stanec. “That means your retention is better, so your chances of developing better players actually grows when you stop emphasizing who’s doing the best.”

Rankings can also be a hard metric to work with as a coach. “You can’t control how good the other team is. You can’t control the officials. All you can control is what you control,” says Stanec. That means focusing on process goals for your players rather than game day outcomes.

“Remember, this isn’t about avoiding competition: As a coach, your goal is to have every athlete do their best. A focus on development doesn’t mean you don’t care about the win. It means that the decisions you make in pursuit of winning are made from a developmental lens. Some people think that focusing on development means losing, but you will win more when you are centered on development and the growth of each player.”

However, Stanec does note that some pushback from parents may come when you make the shift to long-term development. “I’d be remiss to not mention that there is privilege in this conversation,” she says. “Some parents are simply over-competitive, but for other parents, that competitive nature comes because sport could be their child’s only chance at affording school. So have empathy and understanding. Help educate the parents who don’t understand your position.”

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Takeaway

Rather than focusing on individual or team-based rankings, focus on developing young athletes as happy, healthy humans. This doesn’t mean giving up on competition—it simply means rewarding hard work and growth rather than number of goals scored. If you emphasize the work rather than the result, your team will still see gains and you might be surprised by which players make the biggest improvements.

Here, Natalie Hummel, founder of Every Kid Sports, is helping explain the nuances of access to sport and sharing a few ways that families and coaches can be more aware and responsive.

The Situation

Understand the importance of sports

We know that sport isn’t just about winning or bringing home a trophy at the end of the season: Sport can be a way for young athletes to make friends, grow leadership skills, and develop healthy habits that can last a lifetime. When you look at sport through this lens, it’s easy to understand just how important it is that every child has the opportunity to play—and how little it should cost them to do so. “Playing sports was the most important thing I did as a kid,” says Hummel. “It shaped who I am today, and when I learned that most kids weren’t playing sports simply because they couldn’t afford it, I knew that was something I needed to address.” That’s why she founded Every Kid Sports.

Cost of sport is on the rise

“There is a broken narrative around sports that says to play, you need to pay,” explains Hummel. “When I was growing up, sports were prevalent everywhere and the access was incredible. You could play sports at school for free. Now, the majority of schools around the country are actually pay-to-play.” Only 22 percent of kids who come from income-restricted families are playing sports, and a large part of that is due to the associated costs. Hummel points out that the average cost for a recreational season in a sport is $138. “If you’re talking about a family that can hardly put food on the table, they’re not going to be able to spend that money to get their child playing,” she notes.

Access issues start young

Even if a high school offers free access to sports, there are marginalized communities who will already be left behind, says Hummel. “If someone hasn’t played recreational sports growing up, they’re going to have a hard time making a high school team if the try-outs are against students who’ve been playing in recreational clubs from a young age,” she adds. “To play basketball or volleyball in high school, it’s expected that athletes already have the physical literacy and a basic competence. One of the things we’ve seen is the over-commercialization of youth sports, with the addition of these travel teams and elite teams from a young age. The people who have the money put their kids in those programs, and that just further erodes the youth sports marketplace.”

Understand the breadth of access issues

We tend to think of socioeconomic access to sport in very simple terms, often looking at gear as the starting point. But beyond the gear, there are many hidden costs that can cause a kid to lack access to sport. These costs can include:

• The need to work after school or on weekends to help with family expenses, thereby missing ‘mandatory practices’
• A parent who works long hours and can’t drive an athlete to the specific practice area on weekends or early in the morning
• Not being able to afford the ‘recommended’ extra coaching, physical therapy, personal trainer, gym membership, etc., that is suggested by a coach
• Lack of resources to get proper care for certain sport-specific injuries
• High costs for ‘away games’ and matches that involve overnight stays out of state
• Expensive mandatory gear and enrollment costs of being on a team

Access for whole communities

There are also more widespread access issues that can cause a divide in athletes from a young age. Hummel cites a section of Detroit that she refers to as a ‘sport desert’ where there’s no programming available, and even access to parks and greenspace is limited thanks to the way the highways are gridded in certain areas. The rise of costly travel teams also then limits the less expensive options that used to be available, says Hummel. “All the people who can afford to put their kids in those programs move to those programs, and that means the recreational sports programs in the communities can’t sustain themselves because the only kids who are left to play in those programs are the kids who need scholarships. Those programs end up folding because they aren’t sustainable.” At Every Kid Sports, Hummel’s mission is to help those programs by funding scholarships for kids in need.

How to Help

How a coach can help improve access

As a coach, you can help improve access by getting rid of your assumptions about athlete ability levels. “Especially in middle school sports, start by working on building those basic skills, and don’t assume that all of the kids on your team have had the same equal access to sports,” Hummel says. “There are a lot of fun ways that you can build the physical literacy that kids need, like doing fun drills to learn new skills. It’s also important to help kids realize that exercise and being part of a team feels good. And part of that means letting every kid play in games. We need to move away from the culture of winning to focusing on a culture of growth. And what I’ve seen is that the more a team focuses on inclusion and growth, the better they perform in the long run.”

How families can help improve access

Good news: The right choice to improve access is also the best choice for your athlete! “Be aware of the choices that you’re making as a parent or caregiver about what programs your kids are joining,” says Hummel. She recommends avoiding ‘elite’ programs that are costly and promote sole focus on one sport in favor of recreational programs that allow athletes to pursue multiple sports. “What happens for a lot of kids who get into those elite programs is they end up burning out, they get injured, or they end up not being athletic as adults because they don’t have the best experience,” she says. “And if we have more families putting kids in recreational sports, it would fix a lot of these sports desert issues. That helps with access because if you’re paying a registration fee to a recreational program, you’re supporting that recreational program and making it possible for them to offer scholarships for the kids who can’t afford it.”

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Takeaway

Access to sport isn’t simple and there are many obvious, as well as many hidden, barriers to entry for youth sport. As a caregiver or coach, you can help by offering options like easy-to-access scholarships or gear donations, and coaches can ensure that practice and competition schedules are flexible enough for young athletes who need to work as well as play. Coaches can also improve access simply by having an open-door policy, making it easy for athletes and parents to explain their individual needs.

Here, TrueSport Expert Amanda Stanec, PhD, the founder and owner of MOVE + LIVE + LEARN, explains how you can observe behavior in the stands and help move it in a more positive direction when it comes to these three common sideline performances.

What You Might Hear

1. Criticizing their own athlete or other athletes

“Parents should never say a negative comment to anyone participating—their athletes, their athletes’ teammates, or kids on the opposing team,” says Stanec. Unfortunately, plenty of family members consider shouting out ‘constructive criticism’ as a great way to ‘help’ their athletes. But often, the criticism makes athletes feel self-conscious and more likely to make more mistakes. So not only is it hurtful from an emotional standpoint, it’s also probably costing the team valuable points.

Instead: This is a great chance to show what ‘good’ cheering looks like, and often, other fans will start to see how well it works to motivate the kids on the team. “Kids love hearing cheers for them and you set a high standard of effort with what you’re saying,” says Stanec. “Comment on heart and hustle versus skill or talent, and you’ll be rewarded with more effort from the athletes. When we put a focus on development and process, that helps put things in perspective for both the athletes and the fans.”

2. Complaining about the coach or referee

“Fans shouldn’t coach from the sideline: Your job when you’re there as a caregiver is to be a caregiver.” It can be tempting, even as a parent trying to stay positive, to get negative about a call by a referee or a play that you think the coach bungled. But criticizing the coach—quietly or by shouting—isn’t an appropriate reaction. “If you’re saying that the coach is wrong, your athlete will internalize that, and it could be harder for them to trust the coach going forward,” says Stanec. “It also dehumanizes coaches and referees when you’re yelling that they made a bad call. It’s not your job to police them.” (However, if you see a coach doing something inappropriate, like bullying his players, then you should intervene by reporting that behavior.)

Instead: “Remember that officials and coaches, like all of us, make mistakes every day,” says Stanec. “If we don’t have officials, if we don’t have coaches, our kids won’t get to play. Expect mistakes and remember that it’s not the end of the world.” You may need to remind yourself of this, or you may need to remind the fans around you.

3. Anything offensive regarding race, sexuality, gender, or any other slur

It should go without saying, but situations where you should speak up come when anyone insults an athlete, coach, or referee based on appearance, race, sexuality, nationality, gender, disability or other personal characteristic unrelated to the game being played. And unfortunately, this can happen.

Instead: Speak up and clearly let the parent know that their comments are inappropriate. “This is really difficult because we’re in such a polarized world right now. But it’s better to be an upstander than a bystander,” says Stanec. “There is a risk that comes with that, but like anything in life, sometimes you do have to take a stand.” If you’re concerned that the situation may devolve, get a referee or other authority figure involved. Most arenas have rules against any offensive language, and it’s likely that the parent will be removed from the competition.

How to Respond

If you’ve heard any of these comments coming from the sidelines, here are some general best practices for how to handle it.

1. Understand your options

Stanec explains that as a parent or caregiver, you have three options when you hear another adult saying things you don’t think are appropriate for the situation:

1. Ignore it entirely
2. Confront it in the moment
3. Deal with it later, after tempers have cooled

Often, she says, the third option is the best one. “You never know how another adult is going to react,” she says. “If you confront them in the moment, you risk a situation worsening, and there is always a chance that it could be dangerous for you. However, ignoring bad behavior isn’t ideal either, especially if you’re hearing things that are offensive or hurtful to the young athletes.” If you’re struggling to have a conversation with other adults, consider asking the coach to address the parents as a whole to offer some recommendations for appropriate ways to engage from the sidelines.

2. How to have a courageous conversation

If you observed behavior you thought was harmful and you’re ready to confront the other adult about it, that means you’re going to have what Stanec calls a Courageous Conversation. “For example, at a game where my child was playing, I saw another woman yelling at her fifth grader,” says Stanec. “The mom was being super negative towards her kid, and you could see it affecting the child—her body language made that clear. After the game, I asked the woman if we could have a conversation. I said, ‘You clearly care about your daughter, but if you keep talking to her that way, she’s going to quit this sport within two months. Right now, she is trying so hard, and telling her ‘Nice try’ instead of criticizing her will make a big difference.’ To that woman’s credit, she actually took that advice to heart, and she’s been a lot more positive since then.”

3. How to be the coach’s MVP

While we’ve been talking about negative comments coming from the sidelines, Stanec wants to remind parents that you also have the ability to leave kids and coaches feeling positive and appreciated. “When something happens in a game or there is communication that you really appreciate, let the coach know,” she says. “It’s amazing how much a coach appreciates hearing positive feedback.”

4. Be the parent your child would be proud of

This is perhaps the most important reminder, and it can serve as a gentle nudge to remind other parents why they are there. “Ask yourself, ‘What does it look like to be the parent my kid is proud to point to in the stands?'” recommends Stanec. “That can be such a powerful question and can completely change a parent’s behavior.

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Takeaway

It’s difficult to have constructive, courageous conversations with fellow parents and caregivers who are yelling inappropriate things from the sidelines. And confronting other adults in the moment might not be a safe or productive way to handle a situation. In those situations, try to model good behavior, and if you’re comfortable doing so, have a conversation with fellow parents after everyone has calmed down. And of course, be a parent that your athlete can be proud of as you cheer in the stands.

Here, TrueSport Expert Amanda Stanec, PhD, the founder and owner of MOVE + LIVE + LEARN, is sharing a few tips for creating better connections within your sport circle by showing those around you how they can support you, and how you can support them.

Remember that in every interaction, you’re a human first

“An athlete is a person who happens to play a sport,” Stanec says. “The athlete is a human first, one who hopefully has a wide variety of hobbies and interests. So, I think the first thing to remember as you interact with others is that you matter as a human, not just as an athlete. Keep that in your head as you help others understand your needs, and keep that in mind when interacting with peers.”

You have the right to set boundaries

“I think athletes should have boundaries and be able to communicate these boundaries in a way that is respectful,” Stanec says. “For example, if a coach is rude, it’s not mentally tough for an athlete just to receive that and not react. If the coach is rude, ideally an athlete can say, ‘Respectfully, I don’t understand what you want me to do. Can you please help me understand?'” Remember that even adults struggle to take criticism gracefully, so you may find that the conversation isn’t immediately productive.

Check your own behavior

While you absolutely should have the agency and ability to tell a coach or other adult how you want to be treated, it’s also important to check yourself regularly. If you feel like a coach has been criticizing you unfairly, it’s a great idea to have that conversation. But it’s also important to ask yourself honestly if there is any validity to their critiques. Can you learn from them, even if the delivery wasn’t ideal?

Teammates are people, too

At any age, it’s easy (and often healthy!) to put ourselves in the role of the ‘main character’ of our lives. This can be a great thing, since it helps us focus on reaching our goals and standing up for ourselves. But it can also occasionally cause us to not see that other people are main characters in their own right. For example: During a competition, you perceive a teammate as hogging the ball or not passing to you. The ‘main character’ version of this story is that the teammate is angry at you and purposely didn’t pass you the ball. But Stanec points out that perhaps the other player didn’t see you, or maybe was having a bad day because of a bad test score. Always remember that your teammates are humans too, and assume the best when it comes to their intentions. That said—don’t be afraid to have a conversation after the game, since perhaps this is a chance to work on passing skills for next time!

Be clear with parents about sideline behavior

We’ve all seen ‘that parent’ in the stands: The one who’s screaming at the kids, the coach, and the referee (and often, other parents!). We know how embarrassing and uncomfortable that can feel. If you do have a parent who’s an active fan—meaning they’re at your games and cheering in any kind of way—it can be helpful for you and for them if you sit down ahead of the first game and explain what kind of cheering would be most effective for you. Remember, some parents think that their role is to provide advice, not encouragement. This may come from a place of love, but it’s often unhelpful for you, and can cause confusion on the court. Instead, help them understand that cheering should be strictly encouragement-based, and ideally focused on effort rather than results. Need to simplify more? Tell them to stick to “Go [your name]/[your team’s name]!”

Teach a coach how you learn best

Some coaches are naturally more focused on what you’re doing wrong, while others will only praise what you’re doing right. Some will yell, some will speak quietly. If you feel like you’re not getting the feedback that you need in order to enjoy and/or improve in your sport, it’s OK to ask for what you need.

“You should feel comfortable having these conversations with your coach, asking questions, and trying to learn more,” Stanec says. However, game day is probably not the time for those conversations, for either of you! If you do need to have this conversation with your coach, consider sending a message and asking for a meeting before or after practice. This also helps you take the time to get your thoughts aligned so you can clearly ask for what you need.

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Takeaway

Many young athletes feel like they have to accept how they are treated by adults and peers alike.  But by establishing strong boundaries, explaining your needs, and showing your sport circle how to best support you, you can create healthier connections and thrive in your sport and life.

Here, Vicki Vaughan, Director of Athletics at The Colorado Springs School and a longtime contributor to TrueSport curriculum, shares how she has worked to shift culture within athletic programs throughout her career.

1. Understand the TrueSport pillars

TrueSport is based on three primary cornerstones: sportsmanship, character building and life skills, and clean and healthy performance. These principles support a healthy youth sport culture, as well as lifelong athletes, coaches, and families. All ages are impacted by these principles, as there are many lessons to learn about sportsmanship and healthy performance within every sport across all age groups. “No matter the age, every athlete needs to be reminded about how to be a good sport with winning and losing,” states Vaughan.

2. Provide support for coaches

These three pillars seem simple as coaches are expected to promote good sportsmanship and keep athletes healthy. But coaches are not always equipped with the knowledge or skills to ensure healthy performance. For instance, some are not experts in nutrition or sports psychology, so it is important to help coaches attain the education they need to support the whole athlete. “As an athletic director, I’m always trying to assess what content is needed for coaches as well as the athletes,” Vaughan says. “You can’t assume that everyone has an understanding of things like athlete nutrition, concussions, performance imagery, or injury prevention.” Athletic directors should help connect coaches to experts who are better equipped to teach athletes about managing performance anxiety, enhancing performance, or recovering from injury.

3. Look at current values

It is also important to consider how the school’s current set of values aligns with the TrueSport culture. For example, if “winning a state title” is the only value or goal for teams, and outcome-based goals are the primary standard for success, those focuses are likely to conflict with emphasizing good sportsmanship or using teachable moments to build life skills. “Coaches and parents alike need to understand that sportsmanship, life skills, and skill development are more important than any win,” Vaughan says. “And that means aligning the values of the school and department to reflect that. This also requires hiring coaches that share our philosophy and coach to the process rather than the outcome.”

4. Set the tone early on

The first step in creating a strong TrueSport culture is setting a standard for the environment you expect all coaches to promote. As athletic director, it often feels like you are being pulled in dozens of directions at once, balancing multi-sport schedules while also hiring new coaches, organizing transportation, communicating with parents, or setting up venues for game day. “You’re often the first to arrive and the last to leave,” Vaughan says. “But it’s important to set the tone by taking time to meet with the entire coaching staff, athletes, and parents to develop a set of core principles that align with the TrueSport values at the beginning of the season or school year.” It is also a best practice for athletic directors to publicize an athletic handbook that clearly defines these values and expectations for all coaches, athletes, and parents.

5. Align coaches with TrueSport culture

 When outcomes and wins are not your program’s primary goal, verify that the coaches understand and are aligned. A coach should be comfortable pulling a star athlete if they exhibited unsportsmanlike behavior, without fear of retribution if the team loses. By setting the expectation that healthy performance is more important than winning, you can also encourage coaches to identify athletes who may be at risk for overtraining or developing an eating disorder. Vaughan adds that more athletes than ever are exhibiting signs of depression and reduced mental wellness, another important health risk for coaches to navigate.

6. Stick to the rules

The most difficult part of maintaining a TrueSport culture, Vaughan admits, is when a game’s outcome is on the line. For example, the school may have a policy that receiving a red card in a soccer game means the athlete won’t play in the next game. “It can be tempting to change that rule or loosen that penalty for the sake of winning,” she says. “But as a TrueSport school, it’s important to stick to those principles. Athletes need to understand that a bad decision has consequences for themselves and others. These are life lessons that cannot be compromised for the sake of a win.”

7.  Adapt to changing cultures

Creating a TrueSport-oriented culture is not a one-and-done proposition. An athletic department’s culture will naturally shift over time, and not always in positive ways. Vaughan notes that after two pandemic years, for example, her department’s culture shifted. She’s had to provide support for the coaches and work to reengage athletes who drifted away from sport. “What we were doing before doesn’t necessarily work now, and we have had to think outside the box to motivate our athletes to play sports again,” explains Vaughan. Creating a lasting TrueSport culture means constantly revisiting your core principles and ensuring that all coaches and athletes understand the program goals and are invested in the process.

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Takeaway

Building a TrueSport culture requires coaches, athletes, and families who are committed to the same TrueSport values while focusing on the process rather than the outcome. When athletic programs are designed to emphasize the TrueSport pillars, young people have healthier experiences and are better prepared for life.

Dr. Amanda Stanec, who specializes in physical education and youth development through sport, say that one thing she’s noticed, as a parent of three young athletes herself, is that parents need to be more supportive of referees—and the consequences for not supporting the refs can be much worse than you realize.

A recent Washington Post article highlights a disturbing trend: Referees are becoming harder and harder to hire, thanks to the constant stream of abuse that is regularly leveled on them by angry parents. No referees equal no games, unless that behavior changes.

But beyond that, says Stanec, treating referees poorly and leveling abuse at them when you believe they’ve made an incorrect call is sending a bad message to your kids. “How we conduct ourselves really matters, and how we’re role modeling behavior to children really matters,” she says.

In addition to treating people with kindness, parents are also in a position to role model how a child can deal with frustration and anger in their life. “The role modeling of self-regulation is absolutely essential,” says Stanec. “Especially since the last two years because, due to COVID, kids have lost many opportunities to practice self-regulation in the sporting arena. So, it’s really necessary that we model that excellent behavior. Teaching kids to thank the officials after a game is a great start.”

And of course, referees aren’t just yelled at and abused by adults. Kids can also be disrespectful, especially when things are particularly heated. Stanec suggests running through an exercise with young athletes ahead of the game. Ask them to imagine being in overtime of a very exciting game, and it’s a tie. But then, the ref makes a questionable call in favor of the opponent. Imagine how you would react in that moment. “Kids tend to be impulsive, and get upset in those situations,” says Stanec. So do parents! “Ask questions like, ‘Would you be okay if that response was filmed and plastered throughout the country? If not, how could you reimagine a behavior that you’re okay with being shared throughout the country on the news?”

In the age of social media, we know that it’s possible for a particularly bad reaction to be broadcast virally—so reminding ourselves of that is a great way to inspire more thoughtful reactions. “Give your kids the grace and the opportunity to think about the situation before they’re in it,” Stanec says. “It’s not unlike how we should talk to our kids about consuming alcohol at a party: We talk to them about it before they’re in that situation, so they can think through their decisions beforehand and be better prepared.” (For coaches reading this, Stanec suggests doing this same exercise with parents at an early season team meeting.)

It’s also important to remember that anytime you’re tempted to yell at a referee, that’s akin to screaming at a restaurant worker or other person in the service industry, one who’s likely not being paid much more than minimum wage—or is even simply refereeing as a volunteer activity! “When you step back and look at the situation of parents yelling at refs, remember that the parents are yelling at people who are stepping up to serve their community, often with little to no pay,” Stanec says.

And as a parent, showing a referee respect and kindness (even when you don’t agree with them) is important because it underscores the reason your athlete should be playing the sport to begin with: because it’s fun and it’s joyful. It isn’t fun and it isn’t joyful to have a parent in the stands getting in arguments with the referee—and it creates a hostile environment for the players. “Remember, these young athletes aren’t mini-adults. This is not supposed to be about money, it’s not supposed to be about the win: It’s supposed to be about joy, development, improvement, and working together,” Stanec says.

“Remember, if there is a mishap, it is not the end of the world,” says Stanec. “Personally, anytime I hear a coach or athlete say that they would have won a game if the ref hadn’t made a certain call, I like to respond that a game should never come down to a single mistake made by a human, because humans will make mistakes. So, let’s execute and try to be successful in a way that won’t come down to one or two mistakes.”

If you do notice that there is an issue with a referee making calls you disagree with regularly, Stanec notes that it’s still not your place as a parent to bring the issue up. “It’s usually the coach’s responsibility to respectfully speak to the referee,” she says. “It’s not your job as the parent.”

Lastly, if you notice something happening many times and it seems like the referee doesn’t understand the rules or is favoring the other team, bring it up calmly with the coach a day or so later if you must. But don’t complain about a bad call to your athlete or tell them that the referee ‘caused them to lose.’ Remember, your job as a parent is to role-model good behavior, and showing your young athlete that they can blame others for things going wrong isn’t going to help them later in life.

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TAKEAWAY: Without referees, games may be canceled and seasons curtailed, but their numbers are shrinking due to stress caused by parents shouting from the sidelines. Young athletes model their behavior after the way that their parents act, not the things that they say, so showing that referees deserve respect and appreciation is critical.

Dr. Amanda Stanec, who specializes in physical education and youth development through sport is a mother of three young athletes in addition to a coach educator. Here’s what she wants coaches to know about modeling good sportsmanship on gameday.

1. Cheer on effort, not just achievement

Rather than focusing on cheering hard when an athlete scores a goal in a game, try to cheer on moments of great effort. That could be when a child tries a new move—even if it doesn’t work out—or passes the ball to a teammate instead of trying to score a shot solo. “We need to really celebrate creativity and healthy risk-taking for athletes, not just moments where things go right and they score,” says Stanec. “We want kids to feel like they can try new things and take those risks. I hear a lot of coaches and parents make audible sighs or frustrated noises when an athlete misses a shot, and that just discourages athletes from trying anything new. There is no place for that on the sideline.”

2. Focus on the psychosocial dynamic

If we focus on encouraging teamwork and community rather than on competition and winning, more young athletes will stay in sport, says Stanec. “I think if every coach went into sport with the goal of having every kid love their sport more at the end of season, that would be great for youth athletics,” says Stanec. “And they’ll like it more if they’re improving, if they’re learning and trying new things, and if they’re encouraged to have a good time while being competitive.” Focusing on a joyful and hardworking environment will undoubtedly lead to more development and wins.

3. Encourage cheering for everyone

As a coach, it’s important to remember to cheer for everyone, not just the star players or your favorite or most dominant personalities on a team. “To me, the golden rule is to give positive feedback to each individual player on your team,” says Stanec. “There’s been such an adult model of sport pushed on kids that it seems like now there’s a lot of competition and favoritism even within many youth teams.”

4. Be aware of negative language

“I think a great way to model good sportsmanship from the sidelines is not only by giving each player specific positive feedback, but also making it a rule to not criticize any child during the game, ever,” says Stanec. “Every kid knows when they make a mistake once they begin playing at more competitive levels, so whether you’re a coach or a parent, during a game is not the time to bring it up.” If there’s a skill-based technique or tactic that the athlete can work on, a coach can make a note to bring it up in practice, but the heat of the moment during a game isn’t the time to get into it.

5. Cheer for the other team

Coaches (and parents) can influence how your team sees and treats players on opposing teams by cheering for those kids as well. “I like to cheer for the other team when a great play is made,” says Stanec. “Saying things like great shot, great save—those small things can make a big difference in attitudes from the opposing team’s athletes, coaches, and parents, while also making games much more fun, even while remaining highly competitive.” And cheering for great plays from the other team as a coach can also cue your own athletes into great tips and tactics that they may not have noticed before. Showing appreciation for the game and all the joy it can bring is something that ought to be celebrated.

6. Coaches should set the tone with parents

“It can be so helpful to have a meeting with parents at the beginning of the season to set standards for what’s appropriate at games,” Stanec says. “Let them know that the only thing you want to hear from them during a game is positive encouragement like ‘great hustle,’ or ‘great try.’ No coaching the coaches, no coaching the athletes.” You can even ask the athletes themselves to come up with a Code of Good Sportsmanship that encompasses the team’s positive values for coaches, parents, and the athletes themselves. Get everyone to sign this code at the start of the season.

7. Pay attention to your body language

You may not realize that your body language unconsciously is sending negative messages, but if you’re constantly shaking your head, covering your eyes, looking down, gesturing wildly, or just showing closed off body language, you may be sending unintentional nonverbal cues to the athletes, says Stanec. If you aren’t sure how you’re appearing at games, consider asking someone to video you for a few minutes, then play the footage back to see how you handle different moments. Focus on positive body language like cheering, smiling, making eye contact, and generally keeping your body relaxed and open.

8. Roleplay high-stress scenarios

A great way to model good sportsmanship—and prevent potential emotionally fraught moments in the game—is by roleplaying different high-stress situations. Ask yourself, how would you respond if someone does something disrespectful during the game, or makes you angry? Now, picture how your response would look if someone captured it on video and posted it online. Would you be okay with that reaction being posted? If not, what could you do instead? Preparing yourself by ‘rehearsing’ these scenarios can make a big difference to your reactions in the moment. Do this activity with your athletes or just as a personal exercise.

9. Remember that kids absorb everything

The areas that control logic and rational thought are some of the last to receive a circuit update in an adolescent’s brain, says Stanec. That means it may be harder for them to control their emotions, and if they see you engaging in unsportsmanlike behavior, from cursing under your breath at the umpire to shouting at a parent on the opposing team, they begin to emulate that reaction. “These unsportsmanlike behaviors are taught,” says Stanec.

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TAKEAWAY: When athletes look at their coach during a game, they should see positivity and encouragement, not frustration or anger. Athletes also shouldn’t see you arguing with referees or exhibiting negative body language. Remember, how you act determines how your athletes act.

Here, parents and coaches have shared their top tips on how to save money while ensuring your athlete has everything he or she needs to succeed.

1. Give experiences (with rentals)

Often, parents assume that it’s necessary to get their athletes a full set of gear for every activity, but many times, renting once or twice is much more cost-effective. If your child is interested in a sport but hasn’t joined a team or fully committed, look for rental options or gear you can borrow before you decide to buy the entire setup. And experiences like a day at a downhill bike park with a bike rental or a session at the local batting cage can help improve performance without adding to your gear closet at home.

2. Check Facebook Marketplace and other used gear sites

In addition to Facebook Marketplace, you may have a sporting good consignment store in your area, and those can be treasure troves for gently used gear. Because young athletes grow so quickly, used gear is typically still in great condition since it’s rarely used for more than a season. Check on local parent groups on social media to see if anyone has old gear they’re not using. Some parents might be so happy to clear out a garage that you’ll get nearly-new sporting goods for free.

3. Ask the coach or other parents for gear

If you have a young athlete in elementary or middle school, your coach likely works with students of all ages. Ask the coach if any of the older athletes have gear that they’ve outgrown. You may even be able to coordinate a gear swap between parents with athletes of all ages: No parent wants to have a garage full of outgrown gear, and most will be happy to trade or sell the used items for low prices.

4. Ask family members to contribute

Rather than having grandparents, aunts, and uncles all give your child separate presents on holidays, ask them to contribute to one larger present, whether it’s swimming lessons or hockey gear. If they prefer to give actual gifts, make sure you provide them with a list of needed sporting equipment, so that your athlete gets the gear he or she needs.

5. Time with a role model

For young athletes, consider an hour “coaching” session with a cool role model—this could be a varsity player from a local high school. For an older athlete, this might be a collegiate athlete who graduated from the same high school. Talk to local coaches for suggestions.

These young athlete role models can provide valuable tips and motivation to your young athlete, and often at very low cost to you! These student athletes might even donate the time as a resume-builder or to help meet their school’s community service requirements.

6. Get tickets to a local college game

A lot of kids would love to go watch professionals play their favorite sport, but tickets to league games can be pricey. Check out your local college instead: Often, tickets to games and meets are incredibly cheap or even free! It’s great for kids to see players above their level, but not yet professional since it feels more attainable and motivational.

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Takeaway

When it comes to sport, gifting doesn’t always have to be expensive. For best results, don’t wait for the holiday rush when prices and emotions tend to run high. Start thinking about this ahead of the holidays so you can avoid panic purchasing. Similarly, sports teams offer ‘early bird’ pricing. which can save a few hundred dollars on registration fees, so if parents know what sport a child is interested in, they should reach out to the club, follow their pages on social media, and check their websites often.